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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Nov 11, 2023 6:11:17 GMT
Stallone: "I'm making a movie about composers. I'll be Beethoven."
VanDamme: "I’ll be Mozart."
Schwarzenegger: "Stop it guys I’m not saying it."
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Post by Magnus on Nov 11, 2023 9:51:20 GMT
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads...
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trog
Caneguru
Wild Thing
Trog
Posts: 681
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Post by trog on Nov 13, 2023 1:02:25 GMT
I Don't Know What The Big Deal Is About Black Friday ?
All Fridays Matter ! (thanks to sicki)
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Post by Magnus on Nov 14, 2023 19:50:27 GMT
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.".......
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Nov 16, 2023 19:19:19 GMT
What do trees drink? Root beer.
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Post by brennus on Nov 17, 2023 4:31:40 GMT
A man walks into a bar. "Give me a drink" he says angrily. He finishes it in in one gulp, slams the glass down on the bar, and says loudly, "Lawyers! They're nothing but assholes!" A man at the other end of the bar hears this, and says, "Hey! You take that back!" The first man looks at him with narrowed eyes, like he is ready to fight. "Why? Are you a lawyer?" "No, I'm an asshole." (With apologies to the decent lawyers out there. And maybe also to the assholes.)
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Nov 22, 2023 18:50:16 GMT
The inventor of the throat lozenge has passed away...there will be no coffin at his funeral
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Post by mr potatohead on Nov 22, 2023 23:26:22 GMT
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Post by Deuce Gunner on Nov 26, 2023 9:37:35 GMT
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moxohol
Caneguru
Biohacker
Quod tu es, ego fui. Quod ego sum, tu eris.
Posts: 3,386
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Post by moxohol on Nov 29, 2023 14:17:41 GMT
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Post by machinehead on Dec 7, 2023 14:08:25 GMT
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Post by hhenthusiast on Dec 7, 2023 23:51:53 GMT
Grandma once said: "Sometimes you just need to hug someone, so you know how big a hole to dig in the backyard."
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moxohol
Caneguru
Biohacker
Quod tu es, ego fui. Quod ego sum, tu eris.
Posts: 3,386
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Post by moxohol on Dec 9, 2023 15:44:49 GMT
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moxohol
Caneguru
Biohacker
Quod tu es, ego fui. Quod ego sum, tu eris.
Posts: 3,386
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Post by moxohol on Dec 11, 2023 6:49:36 GMT
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moxohol
Caneguru
Biohacker
Quod tu es, ego fui. Quod ego sum, tu eris.
Posts: 3,386
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Post by moxohol on Dec 11, 2023 17:22:36 GMT
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