Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2019 2:07:15 GMT
I've got no real reason to explain myself or defend myself against people who attack me behind my back whether in the real world or online. I end up doing it anyway because it's my nature and it's my curse. I don't blame anyone for making me feel hurt or depressed or happy or whatever.
There are certain aspects of my life I don't talk about for a lot of reasons. I can be truly open about myself but often times it bites me in the ass. This isn't a boo who listen to me bullshit, I'm just being real.
In my fitness life, I never had someone to truly train me. I've had to learn on my own and nobody gave two shits to even take me under their wing. I worked out at gold's gym for a year and a half off an on until I was 20. I never once received any help or training guidence from anybody. I got strong but I also got hurt, bad knees, messed up back, felt like an 80 year old man at 19.
At one time, I've had to help break up a fight between 2 guys and that scared the hell out of me. I nearly passed out one day from doing a circuit I read in a magazine and thought I was literally going to die. I rarely ever talked about that. You know the story about my legs being broken but there are things you don't know.
My left shin is oddly misshaping because the damage was so bad from the break. I couldn't walk straight for a month when I started walking again. I never went to rehab because the last time I did, I was 16 and nothing worked and I didn't heal up well. Everybody was against me not going to rehab. What I did to myself when those broke was reckless, stupid and having to live the haunting memory of it for the rest of my life.
These guys Tyler and Logan, took me under their wing. They guided me and taught me everything I know. Some of you call them frauds, cultists or whatever, they saved my life and I will always defend them and call them family because they did something for me I can never repay them for. So whoever tells me anything about them negatively, you can go screw yourself and miss out on two people that inspired many to be a better human being, not just physically healthier.
Outside of fitness, I'm just a guy. Had a bad string of relationships, lost a person I was in love with because of my own stupidity. Got rejected by my own flesh and blood when I had nowhere to go and forced out of home while living with a GF at the time. I was out of place for a long time when I had to move up to Idaho. I hardly knew a soul out here. My training was no where near what it use to be even though I was still doing it everyday.
I'm not the strongest, the fastest, the most lean or have any medals or millions of views on YouTube. I have nobody to motivate me and no one to guide me on a daily basis but I made things happen for me. Despite pain, loss, self doubts and being told what I do is wrong and one day I'll become crippled, I still have a lot to prove to myself of what is possible. I rely on my intuition, my knowledge and my trials and errors to find awesome things to do. I have done research, listen to people and stracthed and clawed my way into what I've become.
My intuition is my gift, my memories are my curse and every time I look at the scars on my legs, my hands and my head, they remind me of how far I have come. I can't please anybody and I shouldn't have to. I've been called fat, a fraud, a whiny bitch and a liar yet everything I say and have said for years have all been true yet nobody has believed it. Here's a thing you don't know about me....when a memory pops up in my mind, I feel the pain, the suffering, the happiness, the love, the hate and all that comes with it as if it still happened. Every single memory I have it happens.
I care a lot, I love hard (even in friendship), I fight, I get knocked on my ass and I've had more injuries between 16 and 20 than all the years between 21 and 34 combined. I've been in a wheel chair, I have fallen hard literally and figuratively and I have fought for people I love and care about. I am passionate in what I do and I fight for what I believe in even if it's completely by myself.
For those that give me a hard time just for the sake of giving me a hard time, be careful what you say, because this is just a glimpse of who IAM behind these words. People have been giving me a hard time my whole life, some sarcastically, some downright despicable so don't think for a second that I don't feel it. I don't owe anyone anything and I can't do much of anything when there are things said behind my back or on another forum. Just remember, you talk behind my back for a reason and if you can't tell me the truth whether in a message or in my face or as you sit behind a keyboard, than you can't truly judge me because you're too busy bitching and can't be real to a person.
This is me guys. What you see, is what you get. If you don't like me, tough shit. If you do, than awesome, I will be friends with people who deserve my friendship. This is my history, the good, the bad, the ugly, the downright weird and above all, real.
There are certain aspects of my life I don't talk about for a lot of reasons. I can be truly open about myself but often times it bites me in the ass. This isn't a boo who listen to me bullshit, I'm just being real.
In my fitness life, I never had someone to truly train me. I've had to learn on my own and nobody gave two shits to even take me under their wing. I worked out at gold's gym for a year and a half off an on until I was 20. I never once received any help or training guidence from anybody. I got strong but I also got hurt, bad knees, messed up back, felt like an 80 year old man at 19.
At one time, I've had to help break up a fight between 2 guys and that scared the hell out of me. I nearly passed out one day from doing a circuit I read in a magazine and thought I was literally going to die. I rarely ever talked about that. You know the story about my legs being broken but there are things you don't know.
My left shin is oddly misshaping because the damage was so bad from the break. I couldn't walk straight for a month when I started walking again. I never went to rehab because the last time I did, I was 16 and nothing worked and I didn't heal up well. Everybody was against me not going to rehab. What I did to myself when those broke was reckless, stupid and having to live the haunting memory of it for the rest of my life.
These guys Tyler and Logan, took me under their wing. They guided me and taught me everything I know. Some of you call them frauds, cultists or whatever, they saved my life and I will always defend them and call them family because they did something for me I can never repay them for. So whoever tells me anything about them negatively, you can go screw yourself and miss out on two people that inspired many to be a better human being, not just physically healthier.
Outside of fitness, I'm just a guy. Had a bad string of relationships, lost a person I was in love with because of my own stupidity. Got rejected by my own flesh and blood when I had nowhere to go and forced out of home while living with a GF at the time. I was out of place for a long time when I had to move up to Idaho. I hardly knew a soul out here. My training was no where near what it use to be even though I was still doing it everyday.
I'm not the strongest, the fastest, the most lean or have any medals or millions of views on YouTube. I have nobody to motivate me and no one to guide me on a daily basis but I made things happen for me. Despite pain, loss, self doubts and being told what I do is wrong and one day I'll become crippled, I still have a lot to prove to myself of what is possible. I rely on my intuition, my knowledge and my trials and errors to find awesome things to do. I have done research, listen to people and stracthed and clawed my way into what I've become.
My intuition is my gift, my memories are my curse and every time I look at the scars on my legs, my hands and my head, they remind me of how far I have come. I can't please anybody and I shouldn't have to. I've been called fat, a fraud, a whiny bitch and a liar yet everything I say and have said for years have all been true yet nobody has believed it. Here's a thing you don't know about me....when a memory pops up in my mind, I feel the pain, the suffering, the happiness, the love, the hate and all that comes with it as if it still happened. Every single memory I have it happens.
I care a lot, I love hard (even in friendship), I fight, I get knocked on my ass and I've had more injuries between 16 and 20 than all the years between 21 and 34 combined. I've been in a wheel chair, I have fallen hard literally and figuratively and I have fought for people I love and care about. I am passionate in what I do and I fight for what I believe in even if it's completely by myself.
For those that give me a hard time just for the sake of giving me a hard time, be careful what you say, because this is just a glimpse of who IAM behind these words. People have been giving me a hard time my whole life, some sarcastically, some downright despicable so don't think for a second that I don't feel it. I don't owe anyone anything and I can't do much of anything when there are things said behind my back or on another forum. Just remember, you talk behind my back for a reason and if you can't tell me the truth whether in a message or in my face or as you sit behind a keyboard, than you can't truly judge me because you're too busy bitching and can't be real to a person.
This is me guys. What you see, is what you get. If you don't like me, tough shit. If you do, than awesome, I will be friends with people who deserve my friendship. This is my history, the good, the bad, the ugly, the downright weird and above all, real.
