Bronze Adonis

[Deleted]

She didn’t like the rib cage / the coat-hanger hips
The razor-sharp shoulder blades / always give her jip
She’s reading Edward De Bono under the palms
He sprays Odorono under his arms
I was to say the least alarmed
When the bronze adonis got her…

I lay beneath the parasol / watched him with the chicks
Horsing around with his aerosol / they whispered about his odd trick
“Send no cash… fear no man / you can be a love leviathan”
She’s a fan of the man with a tan from a can
The bronze adonis got her

Mr and Mrs Universe / the folks who live in the gym
Each night she sleeps in a room marked her / he sleeps in a room marked him
Muscle bound for stardom / the apollo of your eye
Can’t seem to get a hard on / oh Christ i wonder why
The bronze adonis got her

They honeymoon on muscle beach to cries of “beat it mac”
He plucks some puny pansy’s peach / how do you like that
The bronze adonis got her

There stands the body gorgeous / men worship girls admire
He bravely bears the scourges and the squelch of squashed desire
What a physical jerk / no time for sex
Where’s me bleedin’ bullworker, baby oil and leopard kecks
Oh yeah / the bronze adonis got her

Hubba hubba yum yum wow / what a hunk of beef
Who made you the sacred cow / who hangs around his briefs
In the corner sauna / with his mates
Wanking away unwanted weight
That’s his idea of a heavy date
The bronze adonis got her

[Deleted]

Health Fanatic

Around the block – against the clock
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock
Running out of breath – running out of socks
Rubber on the road… flippety flop
Non-skid agility… chop chop
No time to hang about
Work out health fanatic… work out!

The crack of dawn he’s lifting weights
His tell-tale heart reverberates
He’s high in polyunsaturates…
Low in polysaturates…
The Duke of Edinburgh’s award awaits
It’s a man’s life
He’s a health fanatic… so was his wife

A one-man war against decay
Enjoys himself the hard way
Allows himself a mars a day
How old am I – what do I weigh
Punch me there… does it hurt… no way
Running on the spot don’t get too hot
He’s a health fanatic, that’s why not

Running through the traffic jam – taking in the lead
Hyperactivity keeps him out of bed
Deep down he’d like to kick it in the head
They’ll regret it when they’re dead
There’s more to life than fun
He’s a health fanatic – he’s got to run

Beans greens and tangerines
And low cholestrol margarines
His limbs are loose, his teeth are clean
He’s a high-octane fresh-air fiend
You’ve got to admit he’s keen
What can you do but be impressed
He’s a health fanatic… give it a rest

Shadow boxing – punch the wall
One-a-side football… what’s the score… one-all
Could have been a copper… too small
Could have been a jockey… too tall
Knees up, knees up… head the ball
Nervous energy makes him tick
He’s a health fanatic… he makes you sick

[Fannie Packer]

Here I sit broken hearted,
tried to shit,
but only farted.

[Rump Ranger Roy]

Here I sit in lonely vapor
the guy before me left no paper

[BigBruvOfEnglandUK]

It's bad form to not included the poet's name, H m8.

[Deleted]

Oh! John Cooper Clarke from Salford, he was in my first year class in art college. I've gone on stage a couple of times reading his stuff.

johncooperclarke.com/