pierinifitness
Caneguru
I do burpees, then I drink slurpees
Posts: 2,726
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Post by pierinifitness on Feb 3, 2021 22:22:23 GMT
E-mailed to me from a a former client:
There I was, sitting by myself at the bar staring at my untouched drink. Suddenly, a 6' 8" tattooed goon steps up next to me and grabs my drink. He then grins at me and gulps down my drink in one swig " Whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"This is the worst day of my life," I say to him. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me."
"So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!” — “But enough about me. How's your day going?”
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Post by Magnus on Feb 8, 2021 3:39:28 GMT
The other day I saw a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
So I rang the bell and the owner tells me the dog is in the backyard. So I went into the backyard and saw the mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" I asked.
"Sure do." the dog replied.
"So, what's your story?" The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."
"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals."
"Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
I was truly amazed. So I went back in and asked the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
I then said, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Cause he's a frikkin liar. He didn't do any of that shit!"
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brothersteve
Caneguru
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
Posts: 2,265
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Post by brothersteve on Feb 8, 2021 15:14:08 GMT
Here is the best joke equipment (IMO) I've seen in a while, and it's ONLY $200.00!!!!
Right up there with the shake weights!
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Post by billfish on Feb 8, 2021 16:42:53 GMT
Here is the best joke equipment (IMO) I've seen in a while, and it's ONLY $200.00!!!! Right up there with the shake weights! (rofl) (rofl) (rofl) |
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Post by billfish on Feb 8, 2021 16:43:40 GMT
E-mailed to me from a a former client: There I was, sitting by myself at the bar staring at my untouched drink. Suddenly, a 6' 8" tattooed goon steps up next to me and grabs my drink. He then grins at me and gulps down my drink in one swig " Whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"This is the worst day of my life," I say to him. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me."
"So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!” — “But enough about me. How's your day going?”
(rofl) |
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