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Post by Bruce Tackett on Nov 20, 2021 1:06:03 GMT
<button disabled="" class="c-attachment-insert--linked o-btn--sm">Attachment Deleted</button> What is a lutefisk?
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Nov 20, 2021 3:35:30 GMT
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Post by Bruce Tackett on Nov 20, 2021 17:34:50 GMT
Thank you, Bruv. I could have never done that on my own.
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Post by Bruce Tackett on Nov 20, 2021 17:36:55 GMT
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Post by Magnus on Nov 21, 2021 4:13:50 GMT
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.
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macky
Caneguru
Upside down
CLUELESS TOSSER
Posts: 2,828
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Post by macky on Nov 21, 2021 8:23:39 GMT
A guide was taking a group through the woods on a day hike. After a while he stopped everyone and took out some silver bells from his pack and gave one each to his hikers. "Put the little silver bells around your necks, People. We're entering bear country and the silver bells ringing away on us while we walk will will keep the bears at bay," the guide assured them.
The group took off again, with many a worried look on their faces as time went on, as they moved deeper into bear country.
Suddenly they rounded a bend in the track and the Guide exclaimed "There we are, folks. There's bear poo on the ground ahead," as he pointed to it.
"Are you sh--sh--sure it's bear poo ?" stuttered one of the hikers, obviously frightened.
"Yep" sez the Guide. "That's bear poo all right ! You can see the little silver bells in it...."
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macky
Caneguru
Upside down
CLUELESS TOSSER
Posts: 2,828
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Post by macky on Nov 22, 2021 6:26:23 GMT
Chappie walks into the doctor's office. "Good morning" sez the doctor "what can I do for you ?"
"It's l-like this d-d-doctor. I've g-got this--s t-terrible s-stutter and it's ruining m-my life."
"Okay my good man" sez Doctor. "Whip over there behind the partition and strip off, and we'll have a look at you."
Chappie strips off and the doctor comes over and immediately tells the guy to get dressed again. "I can see your problem straight away" sez the doctor "Your far too well-endowed. No wonder you're stuttering. With a member like that it's a wonder you're not speechless ! Look, we can lop 3" off that and your stuttering will cease, guaranteed. A colleague of mine had the same sort of case and he told me it worked a charm. You'll still have a whopper, and your stutter will be gone forever."
The poor guy thinks for a moment then sez "W-well if th-that's g-onna fix it, I g-guess we should g-get it d-done."
So the doctor removes three inches off the guy's Prince Richard and advises him to come back in three months for a check-up and progress report.
Three months later the guy is sitting in the doctor's office once again. "Doctor" he sez "you were right. The stutters's gone and my life is back to normal except for one thing. My wife is playing up on me. She's threatening to go out on "ladies nights" if I don't get that three inches back again. I would rather keep my wife and have the stutter. Is there any chance I can have it sewn back on ?"
The doctor sits back in his chair and gives the guy a long stare......."S-sorry pal. N-no sh-show !"
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Jan 8, 2022 7:48:24 GMT
I went around to a m8s house and while I was there his 4 year old kid was hammering nails in to the walls, furniture, floor, fridge, and doors. Me: "How long's he been doing that?" m8: "A couple of years" Me: "It must cost you a fortune!" m8: "Not really. I get the nails from work"
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Mr Average
Caneguru
Kegal Grand Master, 8th Dan BlackBelt in Origami, World Champion Couch Potato
Posts: 1,461
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Post by Mr Average on Jan 8, 2022 8:49:39 GMT
When three people have sex, it's called a threesome.
When two people have sex, it's called a twosome.
Now I understand why they call you handsome.
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Jan 15, 2022 23:57:28 GMT
I have a framed photo of John Lennon’s wife for sale. £100 ONO
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Deuce Gunner
Caneguru
Gopnik
1* (retired)
Posts: 1,969
Member is Online
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Post by Deuce Gunner on Jan 17, 2022 9:33:00 GMT
Some here may want the product at 6:30.
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brothersteve
Caneguru
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
Posts: 2,234
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Post by brothersteve on Jan 17, 2022 16:05:30 GMT
Some here may want the product at 6:30. This was awesome! Thanks!
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Deuce Gunner
Caneguru
Gopnik
1* (retired)
Posts: 1,969
Member is Online
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Post by Deuce Gunner on Jan 17, 2022 20:58:48 GMT
For those of us over 60 - this is a great exercise regimen - for you
young'uns out there (under 60), just keep it in mind until you reach that magic 60 number!
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm currently at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag. 😎
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Post by billfish on Jan 17, 2022 21:27:11 GMT
Some here may want the product at 6:30.
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Mar 16, 2022 8:23:36 GMT
I, for one, like Roman Numerals
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