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Funny!
Apr 25, 2022 23:57:12 GMT
Post by billfish on Apr 25, 2022 23:57:12 GMT
You think you can hurt my feelings? I used to hold the flashlight for my Dad.
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Post by Deuce Gunner on Apr 26, 2022 21:24:10 GMT
Singing in the shower is fun till you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
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Post by Deuce Gunner on Apr 27, 2022 22:53:03 GMT
What do a tick and the Eifel Tower have in common? They're both Paris sites.
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Apr 28, 2022 17:46:58 GMT
I'm putting together a new rock band. When I was at the pub last night I asked my mate Tom if he knew any good guitarists….. he said Brian May, so I asked my mate Brian, but he didn't know any.
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Post by Deuce Gunner on Apr 28, 2022 23:51:38 GMT
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
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Post by Magnus on Apr 29, 2022 3:02:03 GMT
I'm putting together a new rock band. When I was at the pub last night I asked my mate Tom if he knew any good guitarists….. he said Brian May, so I asked my mate Brian, but he didn't know any. A friend pf mine recently opened up a gym that specializes in helping aging rock band members get back into shape, and it’s going okay so far... Just working out The Kinks.
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Post by Alan OldStudent on Apr 29, 2022 3:24:40 GMT
My wife asked me what the difference between a hippo and a Zippo was. When I said I didn't know, she said a hippo was really heavy but a Zippo was a little lighter.
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Apr 29, 2022 6:37:46 GMT
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology... ...has always been my Achilles' elbow.
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on Apr 29, 2022 23:02:35 GMT
Never trust ladders. They’re always up to something.
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Post by Magnus on Apr 30, 2022 0:39:03 GMT
I fell off a 40 ft ladder once.... Lucky for me I was on the bottom rung!
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on May 2, 2022 23:17:35 GMT
Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital
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Post by billfish on May 3, 2022 0:40:09 GMT
Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital
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Post by Magnus on May 4, 2022 1:47:13 GMT
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer." "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!' "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" "Not everybody pays." said the old lady.
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on May 4, 2022 8:50:34 GMT
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
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Post by BigBruvOfEnglandUK on May 5, 2022 10:04:47 GMT
I've just found out I've been kicked out of the Emu appreciation society. I'm feeling completely ostrichized.
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